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12/2/13 02:15 pm - Well here's a surprise.

I've recently reviewed this dusty old blog, been surprised at the historical interest I've found in it, and I've even imagined at times that it may yet hold some future. It's really a surprise though that I'm here today, and for the reason that is.

For a long moment there, Livejournal hesitated, and I feared that it had lost its code for my "Post to journal". ;)

I'm here because I wrote a long facebook 'comment', and by the time I posted it, it felt like it belonged here. If anyone's around, I love you, and you can see that this quote addresses *some* aspects of the four years since I was a blogger. Thankfully, I'm okay with not tying everything together.

---------------------------------

"The timing of your post, ----, inspires me to write at some length.

I had an accident recently which has sidelined me from work, and created more emotional and financial stress than I’ve faced in some years. After I endured the initial aftershocks, however, I was stricken by how very lucky I am. You may be familiar with some form of this formula that hit me like a ton of timely bricks:

“Post traumatic growth
1. My priorities have changed—I’m not afraid to do what makes me happy.
2. I feel closer to my friends and family.
3. I understand myself better, I know who I really am now.
4. I have a new sense of meaning and purpose.
5. I’m better able to focus on my goals and dreams.”

My challenges and opportunities in life are different than yours, ----, but I resonate with your dilemma. When I first went to college (not until 2006) I focused on political science, and I often found it rewarding, but my creative self-- selves, truly!-- cried hungrily. I ended up focusing on filmmaking and arts *instead* of political science, and interestingly, some of my creative selves *still* went hungry. I was partially consumed by the conventional forms, standards and expectations of my academic and creative communities.

I had to retreat in some ways after graduation, to find some safe stable ground. I got a job that’s generally easy, comfortable, enjoyable, and somewhat inspiring. It’s also a job that does nothing *directly* to further my main career and creative goals. However, it has given me the (reasonably) firm base from which to explore my creative drives more freely (creatively!) than I did in school.

I made progress through those creative drives, especially recently—but this accident (actually the second this year, and that greatly increases the impact!) is the most dramatic wake-up call I’ve ever heard that *hey*: life is fragile and precious, time is fleeting, and I always have so ineffably *much* to gain and so much to lose.

I guess that’s a bit of a twist, because people can be inspired by the idea of having nothing left to lose—but that’s a matter of timing, isn’t it? When you’re super down, you may need to pull yourself up with the fearlessness of a hopeless fool… but after you’ve gotten up, you can see *what* you’ve gotten back to, and be utterly amazed by both its bounty and its deficits. You’ve been outside and you have that perspective.

I care more deeply about everything, right now, especially the humans (everyone) who have often scared me in the past with their diverging hopes and fears. That social motivation multiplies the career and creative possibilities that roil through me more bravely and buoyantly than even in my idealistic youth. Like you, I consider hybrids or amalgamations of interests. I’d already had one great (but “supporting role”) experience through kickstarter.com, and I know that crowdfunding *can* support my main creative projects *if* I reach beyond my customary cautions and habits.

The one thing I always come back to, however, despite a lifetime of letting it go, is how deeply I want to sing. To sing freely and bravely. (I’m not sure if you knew that.) I may finally be sufficiently ready, if I accept and love myself enough to be 'me’ in front of this wide world.

Thank you for inspiring some of these latest thoughts, ----. I’m so glad that you asked people for feedback, and that you look unbelievably happy in your own daydream. It’s alive, it's growing, and it needs light and nourishment to become irresistibly greater."

10/14/09 11:16 am - Hi

"Society can and does execute its own mandates: and if it issues wrong mandates instead of right, or any mandates at all in things with which it ought not to meddle, it practices a social tyranny more formidable than many kinds of political oppression, since, though not usually upheld by such extreme penalties, it leaves fewer means of escape, penetrating much more deeply into the details of life, and enslaving the soul itself.”
-- John Stuart Mill

I'm pretty busy, and not inclined to indulge much in blog culture, but whoever's reading this is surely loved. :)

2/23/09 03:16 am - The Fourth Age of "Men"

Gandalf : Sauron has yet to release his deadliest servant. The one who will lead Mordor's armies in war. The one they say no living Man can kill. The Witch-king of Angmar. You've met him before. He stabbed Frodo on Weathertop. He is the lord of the Nazgûl, the greatest of the Nine.

Pippin: What, the puss Strider sent screaming with an improvised torch?

On an almost entirely unrelated movie set,


Photobucket

after Frodo's unpleasant stay at Chateau de Cirith Ungol, where he received a most unhobbity haircut,
as Frodo's eyes glaze over in rapt focus on his precious boom pole, Sam encourages him to share the load.


11/7/08 02:34 pm - reservation

[this space reserved for thoughtful and hopefully well-balanced reflections on Obama's inspiring victory]

8/3/08 08:30 pm - Just Off of Antarctica




What an amazing place... but surely, a few guys gotta jump off and look for the main land sometimes.
I'm an art student, so this must mean all kinds of deep shit right? ;)

8/2/08 02:58 pm - Calorie Conservation



"Toyota will start testing three types of the stand-up-and-ride contraption, that travels at up to 6 kph (3.7 mph)..."

3.7 mph; Why does that sound familiar? Oh, because it's the exact damn speed I walk at?
I sure hope it has an option for powered sitting and standing up...

I don't really have anything to say; I just couldn't pass that by. :P

7/19/08 02:23 pm - btw



I still have little desire to seriously and thoughtfully blog to a group of people, even folks as lovely as would tend to see this. But when I signed in right now, I was stricken by how bleak and/or worrisome my last post might seem. Rest assured, there's lots of light in my life.

That's all for now. Feel free to write any time. :)

5/8/08 02:36 am - fyi

Just because I can't say anything doesn't mean I don't care.

I could not resist repeating this quote from the lovely musidora's blog:

"Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible.
-Carl Gustav Jung"

2/26/08 05:55 pm - Evolutionary Theory


Here, for my random appearance of the month, let me present the most reasonable, thoughtful and articulate two comments I have ever seen for youtube videos:

"MOVIE SUX...
A Gorilla Can Kill a Leopard... But The Gorilla NOT IS A KARATE Black streak. GORILLA WINS ( Sorry for my Bad English)

Talleho90 (2 days ago) Ridicules fight, however a Silverback would make short work of a Leopard if they ever fought, but not with karate moves... "

I'm doing quite well! <3 <3 <3

1/28/08 09:00 pm - Man.


I wish I had the balls to wear http://www.tshirthell.com/store/product.php?productid=902

1/28/08 07:29 pm



"Time is the longest distance between two places." -- Tennessee Williams

12/25/07 12:26 pm - Christmas Corn



I had a box of presents from my mom to open today. When I started doing it, I thought back to how much I loved the Partridge Family Christmas album in my childhood. I realized that it might be on Yahoo Music, so I looked it up and played it. God bless the Information Age.

Listening to that album, while sitting on my bed opening gifts with my cat beside me, was distinctly surreal. I was once again amazed at how familiar a long-lost experience can seem. I felt a bit dissociated and concerned that I'd be hit by messy old psychic influences and I reminded myself hey, I'm Greg and I'm 38, I'm past 90% of that old stuff, and I'm relatively aware and comfortable with the rest. I 90% believed myself. I think I'm going in a good direction.

I don't know if I've publicly stated how special our modern Christmas mythology was to me. I think it was my primary belief in magic and wonder, and when I was disillusioned about my belief in Santa Claus-- not until age ten or eleven-- I became questioning, cynical and perhaps even bitter about lots of other things. If that belief and disruption were the catalysts I often perceive them to be, I may owe them much of my individuality, my especial strengths, weaknesses and possibilities.

Christmas means very little to me anymore. I wish it could acquire more meaning again, even though I'm neither Christian nor materialist. I like the idea of holidays; they can create valuable conscious structure-- I'm just not very good at feeling and living them now. I'm too generally unsettled for it. I do have some nostalgia though, and some warm fuzzy feelings for the important people throughout my life. I hope everyone can use the holidays to renew some relationships with their most basic, important values; or, if those values no longer suffice, to imagine some better ones.

12/20/07 04:42 pm - Lack of Reverent Silence


There's far, far too much to write; and any bit of it will, in isolation, acquire undue gravity. So as usual, I'll write just about as little as possible, without writing nothing at all. Kinda convenient when one feels busy.

I had a tough fall, to the point of contemplating some ways to end my participation at SCAD. After classes ended, I went on a magnificent journey to the Northeastern USA. I was challenged and inspired in many ways, and now, I feel ready for more things than ever. Not that my path seems clear or easy... I hope it never quite does. In addition to core cognitive issues, it involves many material variables.

I hope everyone's hopeful and positive as the New Year approaches. It's an exciting time to be alive.

11/7/07 09:45 am - Sublimely Absurd



It's funny because it's true:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20071106/od_afp/britainlawsoffbeat

9/13/07 01:20 pm - Learning to Truly Imagine

I must admit, this is directly from my (infrequent) facebook blog. :)

------------------------------------------

I’ve always had lots of confidence in my academic ability. I can readily admit, however, that my first quarter at SCAD was harder than expected, and this quarter could be much harder yet. It’s mostly a matter of time demands, but it relates also to my often draining expectations and self-criticism.

I’ve thought lots and I finally had a talk with my boss yesterday, saying that I could only keep working up to about 12 hours per week, if they want me to do that. I also told him clearly that I can afford to stop working altogether, and I don’t mind if they have nothing to suit me.

This was a very logical decision on my part, based partly on my growing ability to manage time wisely and to make the most of a full time education. It still hurts me somewhat though. Much of my historic pride has been based on being a productive and responsible worker. I must be brave enough to cast that aside for now, and to face many inner conflicts that prevent me from realizing my full academic, artistic and social potentials. I’ve already made lots of progress, but the path is still scary and disorienting at times. It’s also more fulfilling and exciting than previously dreamed.

In these challenges, as well as lighter and gentler things, I am particularly inspired by the toughest and bravest person I know. Thanks so much for everything, Maia.

Now I’m going to challenge my assumptions about how much my brain can do at once. :)


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