I’ve always had lots of confidence in my academic ability. I can readily admit, however, that my first quarter at SCAD was harder than expected, and this quarter could be much harder yet. It’s mostly a matter of time demands, but it relates also to my often draining expectations and self-criticism.
I’ve thought lots and I finally had a talk with my boss yesterday, saying that I could only keep working up to about 12 hours per week, if they want me to do that. I also told him clearly that I can afford to stop working altogether, and I don’t mind if they have nothing to suit me.
This was a very logical decision on my part, based partly on my growing ability to manage time wisely and to make the most of a full time education. It still hurts me somewhat though. Much of my historic pride has been based on being a productive and responsible worker. I must be brave enough to cast that aside for now, and to face many inner conflicts that prevent me from realizing my full academic, artistic and social potentials. I’ve already made lots of progress, but the path is still scary and disorienting at times. It’s also more fulfilling and exciting than previously dreamed.
In these challenges, as well as lighter and gentler things, I am particularly inspired by the toughest and bravest person I know. Thanks so much for everything, Maia.
Now I’m going to challenge my assumptions about how much my brain can do at once. :)