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9/11/07 08:17 am - Wow



When we prioritize our perceived possibilities, we do well to remind ourselves that nothing survives throughout the spacetime continuum. Most of the time, though, we'd be better off living each moment as if it's forever-- as it must truly be, beyond the continual illusion.

Either way, I intend to treasure these days. :)

9/8/07 09:40 am - Natural Selection



"Gold and silver, fountains of youth, plenty of fish, venison without limit, all these were promised, and of course some of them were found. It would be interesting to speculate on how long it might have taken to settle this continent if there had not been such promotion by enterprising advertisers. How has American civilization been shaped by the fact that there was a kind of natural selection here of those people who were willing to believe advertising?" -- Daniel J. Boorstin, "Democracy and its Discontents"

I think there's a subtle sort of natural selection in very many things.

I survived an insane finals week and got all As for the summer quarter. I was too tired to truly celebrate, but I did have some fun. I also quite handily survived three months without my most significant 'other,' and things have been very interesting since she returned. I've gotten some good things done during break, but fewer than planned. (As usual.)

Frankly, the currents of my life have pulled me away from LJ and most of my LJ-related friends. I love everyone, but I'm a less virtual person than I used to be. I have less time to do things online; and when I do, I often prefer a medium I share with more people I know in RL. Mainly Facebook. If any of you use it, feel free to look for me there. Just search for me in "Southern Georgia" or the SCAD network. (If you don't know my real name, just ask by email, greg.cass1@gmail.com)

I am evolving somewhat on varying levels, acquiring more subjective purpose in daily activities, and I don't know what'll happen next. School starts Monday, including my first video class, which I share with my second-best friend here... It should be thrilling, excruciating and mostly wonderful.


7/25/07 12:29 pm - Why I'm not in Southern Illinois Anymore




"According to the affidavit, the 22-year-old wrote a note demanding that money be deposited to a PayPal account, threatening that "if this account doesn't reach $50,000 in the next 7 days then a murderous rampage similar to the VT shooting will occur at another highly populated university. THIS IS NOT A JOKE!"

The note had suggested the shooting would target a "prestigious" university, but that word was crossed out. There was no direct mention of Southern Illinois University."


You see?? Even when someone's on a psychopathically motivated rant, they can't quite bring themselves to call SIU prestigious!!

7/20/07 10:06 am - Getting Better



Well here I am, a full time student at a rather serious school, and things are getting better all the time. Not constantly, perhaps; but often enough to manage the predictable ebbs and flows atop the deeper pattern.

I must admit, the first few weeks of class were crazy. I had even more homework than expected, and I was still working too much to handle it. My flimsy excuse for sleep patterns was altogether shot, and sleep deprivation was making me restless, cranky and borderline retarded at times. However, I had the good fortune of arranging an even shorter work route, starting this week, and it's made a world of difference. I still get up at 3 am and I work five days a week now, but only four hours a day. This is PERFECT for me, with my afternoon classes, because I truly prefer to sleep twice a day. I'm still busy, but it's manageable. About halfway through this week, I started getting really hyper because I felt truly alert and functional. I've relaxed a bit, now that I've realized what's happening. I feel better physically and mentally than I ever have in my life.

I'm delightfully surprised that I can easily afford working only twenty hours a week. In fact, I could quit working altogether if I really, really needed to. I'm doing better financially than I ever have in my life, except for a brief stretch after my father's inheritance. I have lots of money in the bank-- including the student loans I decided to take, as a sort of insurance-- and I've absolutely no desire to spend it on frivolous or irrational things. I may get a vehicle, and/or laser my eyes, but I'm in no hurry to make big financial decisions.

I really like my new work route, too. I deliver most of the drugs for the main hospital here in Savannah. It's an important and physically heavy route that nobody else wants. It's almost enough exercise for my tastes, and I have enough time now to get to the gym, if I really want to. My main goal this weekend, though, is to make it to beach volleyball on Sunday if possible. :D

I have three classes: art history, drawing and 2D design. I love all of them, basically, although my art history teacher is pompous, condescending and unreasonable in her expectations of new students. She seems a kinda sad person and I feel sorry for her. She focuses too much on rote memorization, which admittedly does have a place in formal history studies. She overdoes it to the point that I-- who rarely, if ever, got less than an A on anything he studied for-- got only an 85.6% on her first test, and that was the highest grade in the class. There were only two other Bs, and she said the other class did even worse. That's not appropriate. I was still working too much, at the time of that test, but I studied pretty much. Not quite as much as planned; and if I'd done so, I just might have squeaked out a low A; but that's just ridiculous. It's her strict and somewhat inconsistent grading system as much as the material itself. If it keeps up, I and others may need to share our concerns with higher authorities. I do realize each teacher is allowed to have personal standards, but the degree is certainly debatable.

Okay, rant over. ;) My drawing teacher is okay-- and exceptionally nice-- and my 2d design teacher is awesome. Already one of my favorite people ever. The assignments have been challenging and inspiring. My drawing has improved significantly, as has my critical thought and general mental function.

I feel more sociable than I ever have before. I guess this was predictable, but it's still amazing, and slightly disturbing. I'm a bit afraid I may lose some distinctive attributes if I get too comfortable and used to conventional social tendencies. I have much to gain, however. I like almost all the students I know, and several of them are very interesting. I still have trouble making the leap from talking before, during or after class to doing stuff outside of school. This is from fear of inappropriate attachments, perhaps almost as much as insecurity. If things keep going so well, though, I may be able to cross all sorts of bridges. Perhaps I'll still essentially be me, but greatly enriched and enlivened. I don't know. My brain is changing, and all kinds of things can happen.

So basically, I love my school, my work and my home, and I'm practically realizing the dream I had when I decided to go to college in 2005. But the dream's getting better all the time, and I don't know where I'm going.

6/16/07 06:32 pm - Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee



Today was orientation for new students at SCAD. I finally got my student ID and can use school facilities! Classes start Monday. I'll start using the school fitness center next week, though I doubt I'll have time for much of it-- nor do I need lots, on top of my bike riding and work duties; but it'll be SO great to have weight training again.

I met an incredibly cute new film student at the cafeteria today. I'll face many temptations, and I must constantly strive to keep my head on straight. :) I have to work on social skills in many ways, without cultivating inappropriate attachments. There are many fine lines to be drawn and redrawn, spontaneously. There may even be logical possibilities for genuine attachment, although I tend to doubt it. Few people could ultimately put up with me.

In addition to a full tuition scholarship, I've received a small federal grant ($1360 per year) and two student loan offers I wasn't expecting. I've decided to take the subsidized loan ($3500 per year) because it'll give me a great financial cushion, and there's no interest nor payments until after graduation. I hate debt generally, but it's a really good deal and it makes sense for me. So, my financial concerns are almost nonexistent now unless something really awful happens. Time management could be a problem, but I'm confident I'll find enough time for schoolwork. I've been just as busy before, and in less inspiring circumstances.

So, I'm really excited and happy, except that next week is also the start of my new, shorter work route that I haven't been trained on. Monday could be particularly tricky, but I should still finish in plenty of time to get to school-- but possibly not soon enough to shower and eat properly in between. I do think I'll survive.

As I mentioned before, I love my new home. It's not a fancy house but it's very pleasant and homey. I get along great with everyone on the second floor here. My room is SO bright and cheerful, and frankly, it's enlivened with reminders of its previous occupant (Maia) although there's some sadness with that too. She'll be back in the US in a few months. I have so much to do this summer, I truly don't know what I'll be like when it's over; but I think I'll be a somewhat fuller and freer person. And a much improved drawer and sketcher. :) But I really don't know. I'm shirking off more and more of what I've previously learned to be; and in doing so, I sense much more potential than I can clearly imagine.

6/4/07 05:47 pm - Some Transitions



I moved a few days ago. I don't have a private kitchen or bathroom anymore, but I'm in a place I love, surrounded by artwork I love. I have Net and laundry access again.

The most important person I know, other than myself, just flew away for three months. I care too much and I was scared of this day. I'm doing quite fine; listening to music and catching up online a bit.

I'm happy for her summer plans. I'm happy for mine, too. They include: SCAD, starting in two weeks-- learning to see and to draw differently. A gradual approach to film itself. Starting in school activities, and the gym. Significantly new wardrobe. Making some local friends. Getting my eyes lasered. Getting a vehicle. New singing lessons. Learning to cook better.

Above all, I'll try to learn of myself by pushing through self-doubt and loathing. To find more of my possibilities. I doubt she'd want credit or blame, but she has catalyzed much of the momentum I perceive in myself. Thanks Maia. :) I'm slowly learning to consistently keep going. We'll see how that works out.

I've decided to keep this sweet sixteen year old cat, Kevin, who's been living here the last few months. He likes me a lot and he's sleeping at my feet now. :)

School is my top priority now. I have so so much to eagerly do.

5/29/07 08:05 pm - A Strangely Blessed Life



Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket




My very beloved feline friend, my little boy Viktor, was hit and killed by a car yesterday in Johnston City, Illinois. I found out on the phone this afternoon with Melisa, as I was walking to the bank. It felt surreal and I seemed almost entirely detached at first, partly through conscious willpower.

When I said bye to my cats this winter, I knew I might not see some or all of them again. My former home has never been a safe place for cats, vehicularly. Viktor is the first of ours we know to have died this way, but I always lived in fear of this.

I'm still not entirely registering it. I think it'd be harder if I were there with him in Illinois, and especially if I'd buried him. But I wish that specific pain had fallen on me rather than Melisa. For me, it remains a bit distant. I can fight off the repeating jabs of sadness that would otherwise threaten my emotional walls. This is a busy week, and I have to keep going.

Viktor was almost three years old. As a young kitten, he'd been very close to his vivacious, near twin brother Colby. They seemed the strongest of that litter; but Viktor was the less social of the two. When he was a few months old, he became very sick for several days. We were too poor to reasonably afford (more) vet appointments. I nursed him and attended to him very closely until he was better. It was a powerful bonding experience for me, but I was never quite sure if Viktor reciprocated. He was at least somewhat crazy, especially after Colby died in bizarre and mysterious circumstances. Viktor wouldn't go outside for a long time after that. http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/17584615/?qo=130&q=by%3Aoddlylacking&qh=sort%3Atime+-in%3Ascraps He'd often sit by the door, in a striking semblance of longing; but he'd scurry away if it were opened. But he eventually overcame that strange fear, and became the most outdoorsy of our cats.

He also became more and more unsociable, with both humans and cats http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/18710355/?qo=115&q=by%3Aoddlylacking&qh=sort%3Atime+-in%3Ascraps -- but he had one of the strangest and most touching behaviors I've ever experienced. I never quite understood it, but I could count on it almost like clockwork: When I lay to sleep each day, if he were in the house, he'd shortly arrive and leap up onto my bed. He'd begin purring, mewwing and vigorously nuzzling me. He'd usually curl up by my side for several minutes, too-- and then he'd suddenly leave.

Who knows what went on in his odd little feline mind? Not much, surely, compared to most humans'; but it was always intriguing to me.

Strange as Viktor was, he seemed to lead a blessed life compared to most in this world. He got nervous easily, and he rarely seemed blissful; but he was quite often peaceful and relaxed. Kind of reminds me of my dad, suddenly, but that's another story. I imagine he was especially satisfied with his frequent outdoor adventures, which I never witnessed. (He always disappeared quickly when he went out, often through a storm drain.)

He was, like his sister Mina-- who is, to the best of my knowledge, safe in another loving home-- especially cute. My Mary is an especially beautiful cat, and quite cute too; but whatever cuteness essentially is, Viktor embodied it like a grouchy little teddy bear. I felt bad for his apparent moods, while inevitably thinking "aww" and wanting to pinch his cheeks.

In some bizarre psychological (and perhaps psychiatric) miracle, he acquired a girlfriend this year. They often sat on the porch together the last few months. I sure wish I could have seen that!

Viktor's death was apparently the fault of some neighbors who drive too quickly and don't come to a complete stop at a key stop sign. But blame and bitterness are far from my mind. His life was relatively fine. His end was quick, better than most for humans or animals.

Only two of my precious cats are left now to lose-- which is, among other things, a sad sort of relief. But I'll never see my strange beautiful boy again in waking life. I'll really miss him, whenever I let myself. For now, I don't want to think too much. I expect to process it gradually, with some outbursts of feeling-- hopefully in practical times and places. As always, I must keep finding new beauty and love, and keep going.

5/15/07 01:45 pm - Strange Gifts



Sunday night I just couldn't sleep so I went for a bike ride I'd been thinking of for weeks, ever since a midnight excursion to the wildlife refuge in South Carolina. I whooshed swiftly through soft velvety air and the drowsy downtown to climb the suspension bridge over the Savannah River. Almost everything within a hundred miles is as flat as a pancake, so this is the only significant road climb around. The traffic was light and there's a significant shoulder, so I felt fine about it except that it's illegal. I doubt any cop would bug me about it, especially if I plead ignorance and/or cry about how much I miss the mountains. So I just parked at the top, and sat prominently on a fluorescent orange barrier barrel.

It's been very gusty and turbulent here lately. On the bridge, it was a steady north wind of about 10-15 mph which felt deliciously different-- not unlike what I'd experience on some of my favorite peaks. This is an almost ridiculously lower place; but after being stuck to the ground almost nonstop for many moons, I found it inspiring. I always feel calmer and clearer when I'm up above things, looking at them like a living map-- except in airplanes, when I sometimes start to feel too distant, although that's still a wonderful experience. Distance lends perspective to everything; and there's a distinct comfort, amidst mental turmoil, in being as alone as one feels.

I felt surprisingly relaxed and unhurried up there, considering I had to get up for work in about five hours; but reason impelled me to head down after about twenty minutes. Just as I was about to, a huge cargo container ship glided through beneath me. It would have been startling, if it weren't so whispery quiet. (Perhaps it was merely floating on the downstream current.) It was but a stately serene procession of huge boxy hues-- flat, night-shaded and completely saturated-- commanded by ladder-wound white towers and, in a crowning intrigue, a slowly whirling semblance of helicopter blades. Perhaps that was part of some mega gyroscope? It reminded me keenly of the propellers on fantastic airships in Miyazaki movies; and the entire vessel, despite lacking a single turret or wave motion gun, recalled the beloved Space Cruiser Yamato (re: Star Blazers) of my youth. Whimsical, I know; but I was helpless before such an epochal allusion. Yet it also suggested newness and reinvention.

I was merely two hundred feet up, overlooking a small city on a tide-swollen river: all three of us, perhaps, equally afflicted by delusions of grandeur. Yet within such limited contrast, I was blessed with my vision of this giant boat in both mundane glory and abstract embodiment of hidden dreams. It didn't matter much, just then, if those dreams made sense of themselves or anything else. I was glad to know they're there, and how suddenly my surroundings may evoke them.

I was okay enough to revel in the rush of the fast free downhill toward home, and a somewhat readier bed.

5/12/07 04:58 pm - Maybe I Should Use This Thing



So here's my spontaneous update as I sit fearing wasting my time on the computer, a bit anxious about going to draw in the park in midday heat. Except I just checked and it's only 84 degrees out, and I'm kinda disappointed. It was supposed to be about 90 today and I want to get used to it before summer seriously hits.

Life's basically good except for some continued inefficiencies of time management. I've improved a lot in that regard, and I should keep working at it and not be too hard on myself. I'm acutely aware lately of how often my self-criticism disrupts me. I feel very good most of the time, though, except for a few things I can't describe.

I am starting full time at SCAD on June 18. I have one quarter's worth of transfer credits, which is nice except that they eat up my electives. My summer classes are Drawing I, 2D Design and Survey of Western Art I-- typical foundation stuff for most majors here. I'm really quite excited to be working on foundations, since that (in a larger and somewhat metaphorical sense) has been my greatest neglect so far in life.

I'm still working 47-48 hours a week but I'll be switching to a shorter route before school starts. In the meantime, it feels like I have more than enough spare time to do what I want to do. Like I said, I still have some time management problems. My main thing lately is reading-- mostly history-- and drawing practice. I am not very into photography because of my psychological focus on drawing and the related abstraction of imagery. Which may be partly a cop-out, but I'm just not capable of photographing much lately without beating the hell out of myself psychologically.

On the other hand, I feel verbally inspired and have noted many exciting cinematic ideas. I don't intend to seriously focus on filmmaking until I take filmmaking courses, but I'll try to lay a template in my mind for that eventuality.

I have reacquainted somewhat with a few dear old friends lately, and that's been very helpful for me socially. I am getting on famously with my coworkers and clients, too. My more serious social issues remain unsettled as I repeatedly explore my thoughts, feelings and motivations. I think I'm learning a lot, but the more I look into myself the greater my subconscious backdrop seems to become. Perhaps the imagined destination of "self-knowledge" is yet shrinking into the distance; or perhaps my subconscious currents are leading toward vivid intersections of awareness. I don't know, because I'm merely extrapolating from prior epiphanies that are surely far simpler than whatever I'll need. I often relax, for now, and accept my unknowability.

Einstein said "The eternal mystery of the world is its comprehensibility." I know what he meant, but I'm too obsessed lately with mystery to appreciate much of the comprehensibility that lies for the taking.

4/25/07 02:05 pm - Another Beginning



Yesterday afternoon, I found out I'm getting a full tuition scholarship to Savannah College of Art and Design.

I was rather emotional on the phone with my advisor, but much moreso after I hung up. It took me a while to calm down enough to call my mom. :)

I have many wonderful friends who have helped me through life so far, including everyone who reads this journal. I would like to say, however, that three people seem particularly connected to the turns of events that brought me to this exciting new beginning. With that in mind, let me extend my deepest, humblest and most alliterative thanks to Melisa, Molly and Maia.

Now I just need a supercomputer to figure out a feasible school and work schedule! Each day should be a new adventure. <3

4/21/07 05:11 am - Tenth Anniversary



On April 20, 1997, I went to Geocities Athens Chat for the first time. It was not the first chatroom of my early Net life, but it had a huge and immediate impact. On that very night, I met Melisa. Within a few days, I'd met several people who remain among my best friends, to this very day.

I haven't been to any chatroom for more than a couple of amused and bemused minutes in years. I'm very glad that I'm progressing in my RL life, but those halcyon days of Net youth (yuk yuk) had a major impact on all that's happened since then. I think virtual and material reality can be very complementary, once one learns enough of oneself to strike a practical balance.

That chatroom was a virtual analog of the Parthenon, and it remains in my mind an idealized temple on a hill, at the dawn of fresh mystery and inspiration. I hope someday to write fittingly of it. :) In some ways, it led me toward all of you.




4/10/07 07:26 pm - Creation


Hello beautiful souls. This recent essay addresses a decision most of you don't know about. I've forged myself anew from bits of all I've been. I'll express something unusual here-- I hope you all read this. :)


-------------------------------------------------------------------


When I skipped college in 1986, after outscoring everyone on the SAT, people thought I was crazy. My parents tried to commit me to Friends (Psychiatric) Hospital in Philadelphia.

Life’s strange and wonderful. If I'd known more, I may have gone to college at seventeen-- but I wouldn't be here now, applying to Savannah College of Art and Design. I do this joyfully and without regrets. I know I can benefit from SCAD much more than anyone resembling my younger self.

My carefree early childhood crumbled through spontaneous and merciless religious questioning. I became mortified by the obscuring power of belief, and stricken with the essence of an eventually overpowering skepticism. Soon afterwards, I was emotionally numbed by my mother's surprising suicide attempts. I was also greatly disturbed, at the onset of puberty, by my condition of hemifacial microsomia. I tried to hide this mild facial deformity, and such secrecy made me feel quite alone and different.

My increasingly private thought led toward an ambition, and egoic refuge, that stifled and nearly broke me: the drive to make a big difference in a world suffused with suffering, despite many efforts of brilliant and compassionate minds. I sensed the struggle to assimilate and equal their limited successes, never mind to achieve a quantum improvement in the human condition. Yes, I was that idealistic; but skepticism deepened, as desire and biased belief doomed hopes of objective perception. As I lost regard for conventional thought, schoolwork suffered, and I fell toward the cool embrace of a nihilistic Buddhism. I decided that desire always causes suffering, and it's best to abandon all human and material ambition.

I forsook college, but I was too scared to run to a monastery, and too lazy for professional writing. I suffered for years through jobs that seemed petty. I also, however, began to improve in many ways. My faltering attachment to Buddhism was transmuted by tantric perspectives. Instead of scorning all desires, I began seeking an opposite ideal: to desire all things in due proportion; to fully accept and enjoy diversity. As I judged less, I saw more, and sensed the incomparable challenge of understanding humanity. I focused on short-term goals, easing ambition and perfectionism. I became receptive to others' ideas, relaxing naive notions of intellectual singularity. I was inspired by others' manifold beauty.

This progressed for years, until a key breakthrough in 2005: my acceptance of tireless skepticism. I finally embraced the paradox of being human-- to live moments, yet dream eternity; to subjectively create models of the 'objective.' I accepted that models and theories are always incomplete, and I never 'know' the future, nor even the past. I have only moments and possibilities, and mine are increasingly filled with beauty, love and adventure. They've led quite surely back to school.

I started at community college last year, planning to double major in political science and film. I focused on political science due to limited time and money, and my efforts were logically fixed on related projects and student leadership. However, my self-confidence and clarity have improved so much now that I can entirely commit to my truest desire: the boundless possibilities of filmmaking.

When I moved to Savannah, your school was an intriguing but uncertain factor. I'd heard great things about SCAD for years, and my own research was always promising. Since my arrival, the faculty and facilities have greatly impressed me. I'm sure SCAD can provide the critical thinking and technical skills I need; but more importantly, this is an inspiring region. I moved here partly for social reasons, and partly for love of the art, architecture and gardens; the Southern culture; and beyond all, the flora, the fauna and the shining sea. I've grown to realize how important such things are for my art.

I had a vision when I was 25. I'd driven far to watch the sunset from a famous overlook, but I'd arrived too late, at the last dimming glow of dusk. It was a very remote place, and I stayed to absorb the immense night falling over me. Eventually, my gaze turned skyward, and I gasped at countless stars on the inky black. I saw the Milky Way itself, and I knew its geometry-- the vast disk stretching before me, through the center of the galaxy-- and in an impossible moment, all stars leapt off through the void; still clear and bright, but beyond invisible, indelible distance. This distance was not something in itself, but rather, was in the stars and in me; and in such emptying of space and time, I was filled with all else: my eyes and mind, the sky, and those immense pinpricks of starlight, all melded in due relations.

Rationally, distance often still puzzles me. I can span it, however, through its very instrument of becoming-- the human mind, with its relentless conception of past, present and future based on fleeting perceptions. I can dissolve self-created separations through ideational links; and in this connection, I make moments utterly true. Despite all doubts, life has convinced me I am that which is "other," beyond all tumult of cogitation; and such identity, both rational and mystic, is exactly what I wish to express in all forms of art. I still hope to change our conflicted, ever-accelerating society, and its direst need is appreciation of diversity.

I think I'm already a skilled artist, although I've sought neither acclaim nor money for it. Poetry and photography will keep nurturing my necessary, and necessarily changing, sense of self. I'm also excited about sequential art, which offers unique means of focused storytelling. I'm especially keen to blend drawing and painting with photomanipulation, which I'm relatively experienced with. Film, however, has long seemed my best chance to make a difference both socially and artistically.

I have many objectives in both documentary and fictive filmmaking. For instance, I hope to utilize and to describe how environment and biology have influenced our ethical and aesthetic values. I further hope to highlight rewarding ethical and aesthetic possibilities for skeptical or even 'lost' people. My key artistic goal, however, is to develop integrative cinematic vision, transcending the reductionism of human categories. Film holds boundless expressive potential through synergy of images, sounds and words. I'm experienced in all three -- I also sing and play piano-- but more importantly, I'm a holistic and flexible thinker. I consider ideas from any source, and always as they relate to the whole. In this search for connection, I'm committed to both personal vision and communication, which meet through a dialectic that is, quite precisely, my goal to understand humanity.

Great art includes and yet reaches beyond reason. I seek contextual, organic interplays of order with chaos, which is structurally present between discrete things. I appreciate history and styles, scripts and storyboards--and I'll study them carefully-- but the wholehearted exploration of expressive detail transforms all preconceptions. This happens in my poetry and photography, and it's the most exciting and rewarding part for me: finding new bits of myself suddenly, amid all that seems other. Each occasion suggests more vividly that there's no limit to what I can become.

It may seem, nonetheless, that I want to do too much at SCAD. I'm intensely interested in sequential art, photography, painting, sculpture, architecture, poetry, and interactive design. I will study social and natural sciences whenever I can. I'm very athletic, and I'd love to play several sports at school. I'm an ardent hiker (and nature photographer) so I hope to go on outdoors trips. I'm especially interested in continuing my student leadership here. I know I can't do it all at once, but I have immense energy and enthusiasm for all that may prove feasible.

It starts now, as always, and I'm finally and fiercely ready. I hope and believe SCAD will help me to reach more freely for visions.



3/9/07 04:58 pm - Props



I found out yesterday that my good friend Devin won the Outstanding Freshman Delegate award at Model Illinois Government last weekend. I almost shouted in the public library. :) Devin's a really special guy with a bright future. I'm not surprised he won, but I'm very happy for him!

2/20/07 02:42 pm - Partial Update



Please forgive my recent brevity and vagueness. I have been busy.

I've become the content resident of a small apartment at the back of a big old house, on Victory Drive in Savannah. It's a mile from the historic (tourist) district, but this is a pretty nice neighborhood. Victory Drive itself is quite elegant, and I'm a short ride from Daffin Park, the biggest in town. There's a large, gorgeous ornamental pool with twin fountains there, as well as endless athletic facilities. I'm just a bit farther from Forsyth Park, which is a bit smaller, more downtown, and endlessly more famous. I've found it's a very lively, cheerful and interesting place at varied times, though I'm usually just passing through. It may become central to some future artistic endeavors.

It's really nice having a place with private kitchen and bath again. I'm actually starting to cook some for myself, which I've never made a habit of in my life, except at certain jobs. My apartment is reasonably attractive and homey, and the water pressure is great. Downsides? Road noise and roaches. But I'm getting used to the noise, and apparently, the roaches are getting used to me. That is, they're getting used to the fact that I've shed any vestige of ahimsa (non-harm philosophy) and I consistently murder them on sight. Either their numbers are decreasing significantly-- dubious, in a house this size with many tenants-- or my reputation precedes me in roachy circles. They appear ever more rarely, perhaps only on (losing) dares or bets. Still, I assume they'll touch everything, so I seal all foods quite carefully.

When I first moved here, with its month-to-month lease, I thought it'd be quite temporary. Now I'm not so sure.

Life is full of blessings in disguise. I had a nasty bureaucratic mess upon moving, which delayed my taxi license long enough for me to find a better job. I started last week as a courier for MGA, a small local company. It doesn't pay great, but it's otherwise damn nearly my dream pre-degree job. I drive a scenic route to Brunswick to deliver varied valuables, mostly medical supplies. It suits me on many levels, including my loves of driving, exercise and responsibility, and the fact that I see the ocean each day of work. :D I'm well-supported by very likable management, I'm independent, and I meet lots of fine people in my rounds. I drive a nice van with a very good radio. I can blast music or sing at the top of my lungs, regularly, for the first time since my car died last July. (My cab had no radio. Singing a capella was quite good for me, technically, but it got old at times.)

Another blessing in disguise has been having no net access at home. It's really helped me to focus on reading and writing. The results have been dramatic; I'm thinking better than I ever have in my life. This, combined with the conclusion of a stressful but successful job hunt, turns my thoughts seriously toward my educational future. The options are very promising, but they're rather complicated in relation to work, money, transportation, and social issues. I'll try to explain better sometime.

While having no net at home has been helpful, it's had downsides too. IM was a crucial part of some of my best friendships. You probably know who you are. Please feel free to email anytime ( gsc1@mchsi.com ) if I don't get to you first. I will reply, happily. The other thing is my lack of deviantart access. It's not a huge problem yet, because I'm more in a studying and absorbing phase. However, my deviantart site is very important to me artistically and socially. I'll have to catch up sometime.

That said, I want another and more professional visual art site. I may begin working on this soon. I feel as ambitious as ever, and significantly more capable.

I'm afraid I can't begin to effectively describe my social situation, nor do I currently desire to. Please respect this. All I can say is that I feel better than ever, and I'm learning more every day. I seem farther and farther from expressible things, but perhaps my powers of language will catch up eventually.

Savannah is a truly outstanding place for bicycling. I do lots already for work and errands, but I go out at times just for fun. It's incredibly fulfilling when I'm not in a hurry, just to glide by the old houses and trees, and to see all the people. I just stared at my beautiful candy apple red Fuji Monterey (bike) a while. It's increasingly central to my life, and it's almost perfect.

However, I'd also love a motorcycle or a car. Partly for practical reasons, but perhaps mainly so I could go to the beach whenever I want to. I hope to describe the unique charms of the Georgian coast sometime. :)

That's it for now... I hope you're all well. I miss you, some especially so. Take care and write anytime!

Love, Greg

2/17/07 02:06 pm - One lighter side



http://www.aintitcool.com/node/31520 made me laugh several times in the public library.

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